Melissa meant (and means) so much to me that I don't know how to function without her anymore. I get out of bed in the morning for my son, but it's a struggle. Most days I just want to curl up and die. It is hard living with the knowledge that I did this to myself. If there is an afterlife, then I will bear this pain forever.
I wasn't the greatest husband., this blog is evidence of that. I could have done so much more, treated her so much better, a realization that, as it so often does, comes too late to matter. But I cherished every day I was with Melissa. When everything else in my life seemed dark, she was always there to light the darkness. It is difficult to imagine my life being worth living without her having been a part of it. I hope and pray that she goes on and enjoys her life as much as she deserves. I can think of no one more deserving of happiness than her.
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