Happy holidays to all

I hope everyone has a pleasant and safe Christmas.



Yes, I realize that nobody actually knows this blog exists.

Christmas without her

We will be spending Christmas together but not "together". It's still feels weird and I'm not entirely sure how to act around her. It's hard not to hug her or call her "baby". At this point it is a deeply ingrained habit. I have a hard time calling her Melissa, I really never have. It's always been "baby" or "sweetheart". Anything else just doesn't feel right.

I miss you baby.

Today is the day

Well, not really. But I am feeling especially optimistic today. Not really sure why, I haven't had any reason for optimism - just feelin' good.

I realize that if Melissa ever does take me back it will be a long time from now. To be completely honest I don't think she will ever have me back, but I'm a stubborn bastard and refuse to give up hope.

I

you Melissa

They aren't all bad days

Some days are full of hope, most actually. Hope for tomorrow; a tomorrow with my family. I long for us to be together again.

Here is a picture of us.

Sick of self-reflection

As anybody who has ever on the receiving end of a serious breakup can tell you one of the worst parts is overanalyzation. I have a hard time thinking of things other than what went wrong.
I should have done this differently.
Why did I act that way?
What was I thinking?

I think this behavior is probably healthy to a point. I've reached and gone past said point. I feel like if this goes on too long I will end up a raving lunatic. Like Howard Hughes without the money or cool toenails.

Unrequited love sucks

It's tough being in a one sided love affair. When you love someone who doesn't love you back how do you come across as anything but creepy. I don't want to be "that guy", yet I want Melissa to know how much I love her. Such is my life. Guess I will have to get used to it.

Melissa thinks we are too different. I maintain that sometimes love finds you where you least expect it.

I miss my family

It's amazing how much I miss my family. I see them every day, but it isn't the same. My son is my son, and will always be, but my family is no longer. Before, it was the three of us, always. I thought that together there was nothing we couldn't do. I no longer have that feeling. It has been replaced with helplessness. I feel myself flailing and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I'm just thankful that Melissa and I still get along. I couldn't take it if she tried to turn my son against me.